Catching sleep

LATER today baby Lilia Rose will be meeting her grandma for the first time, which our family is looking forward to very much. I'm hoping our beautiful baby girl will stick to the routine we established yesterday (good luck) and be awake for some of the time. This morning's feed happened at the same time as the feed yesterday morning, which makes feeding times easier to predict and life more balanced. And mothers more sane, presumably. 


For me, along with sleep deprivation, not having an established routine is one of toughest things about having a baby (although it has laid the groundwork for some cracker moments like walking into walls and doors, forgetting the names of everyday objects: "sweetie, what's the name of that ... err, what-do-you-call-it, um ... it has four legs and a plank of wood on top ... you put things on it but not your feet", walking up the escalators the wrong way and so on). I haven't spent (correction: had) much time researching routines but have heard mothers talking about a book called Save Our Sleep. Lovely and enticing title but does it make a false promise?   


Last night, baby Lilia woke at 2am for a feed and then not until 6am. Bliss. Four hours to sleep. Heavenly. But why do I feel so tired? I know, I know. You're supposed to sleep when your baby sleeps, which in my case means I should be sleeping now but when would I get time to write? Or to eat breakfast? Or to brush my teeth? Hang out with friends? Sleeping, feeding and playing is fine for babies but what about their parents? 


I have always taken sleep for granted. Perhaps not when I've had a massive hangover, then sleep is good; sleep is essential. I probably learnt bad sleeping habits from my hard-working mum who does night-shift work and doesn't sleep much during the day either. Last night, we went around to mum's for dinner and she was nodding off at the table before we finished our meals. I've always been the sort of person who stays up late (usually reading, not including my 20s when I would be out somewhere where drinks were expensive, music was blaring and floors were dirty) and wakes up early. Nothing wrong with that, is there? 


Sure enough, it's much harder to maintain not sleeping much with a new baby and with an old body still recovering from childbirth and all that comes with it afterwards. Read in between the lines or read it here: exhaustion. I have stopped counting the hours I have slept (or haven't slept). I mean, four hours is not enough, nor is six it seems. 


I have started to, I won't write 'dream' as I don't sleep long enough to dream these days, think about sleeping for days, uninterrupted. This delicious thought sometimes entails going to a deserted beach and curling up in the warm pristine sand (sure bring me a creamy and cool pinacolada before I close my eyes) or I will happily take my pillow to a quiet room in the house, shut the door, lie on the ground with a blanket and wake up five days later. Even then, I would never catch-up to the sleep. If I did, I would try to hold on to it that little bit longer or put it in a box and open it up just before dosing off at the wrong time, again.


Useful reading (if you're not too tired) 

• Save Our Sleep website