Changes

ONE of the many things I love about becoming a mum is the small changes I'm noticing in myself every day. For instance, I always thought of myself as a morning person and as someone who could only write in the mornings. By the time the afternoon came along, my mind was often too exhausted to conjure up sensible thoughts let alone to bring them to paper or screen. 


But since becoming a mum, this has changed. I no longer wait for a perfect time to write (and let's face it, getting out of bed in the morning is more difficult each day, it's like asking me to not vote for the carbon tax, I'd rather keep my eyes closed).


Instead, I'm grateful if I have a few precious minutes to write whether that be:

• in the morning (instead of jumping in the shower when baby Lilia is sleeping after her morning feed)
• the afternoon (instead of catching-up on sleep, reading, going outside or catching-up with a friend or the rare afternoon of not having to attend a medical/baby-related appointment), or 
• the evening (instead of ... well, let's take this very moment in time: I could be peeling the potatoes for dinner right now instead of writing or rambling rather, but they still taste pretty good boiled and mashed with the skin, no?).    

Surprisingly, it's liberating not to have the time to write. That sounds a little strange, right? 


Gone are the days of toiling over each word and rearranging them like too many candles on a birthday cake in a perfect line (please, just forget it, they just don't fit and remember with age comes wisdom). 


Also gone is the self-critic that seeks perfection and doesn't consider any line, let alone paragraph worthy enough to publish (is this why I worked as an editor for years, but gave up a paid role as a writer after a couple of months, feeling I wasn't skilled enough (even though I was offered an extension on my contract?). Ah... yes, paid and writer in the same line, you read it here first, folks.  


I have changed but not just physically (yes, I'm still amazed at my changing body from kaleidoscopic hormones to dropping a dress size thanks to my shrinking uterus... well almost a size down, I can almost fit into my size 12 jeans, hooray). 


Oh yeah baby, it's the kind of change that feels good: welcome to motherhood.